Sometimes, thoughts cross my mind that would not be generally considered age-appropriate. Today, for whatever reason, the adult filter was off.
Scene 1: 7:45 AM – outside the cafeteria, walking to class
Cashane, a smallish boy from my class, looks up to me and says, “Mr. Starkey, I looked in my mirror last night and talked to myself,” to which I replied, “Oh really, Cashane? That’s called narcissism.”
Scene 2: 8:00 AM – classroom, during beginning of day work
Xavier, a tall, skinny girl, who has recently been struck with a series of short-lived, morning-only ailments, walks up to me and says, “Mr. Starkey, something’s wrong with my eye.” She had been ambling around the class like a one-eyed pirate for the past 5 minutes, so I was happy she finally decided to come to me.
Mr. Starkey: Now what’s wrong?
Xavier: My eye hurts.
Mr. Starkey: So what exactly is wrong with it?
Xavier: I don’t know, it just hurts.
Mr. Starkey: Well, here’s what I want you to do. Go down to the office and ask Ms. Hunter if she knows anything about corneas, or, well, Lasik eye surgery.
Xavier: About what?
Mr. Starkey: Just ask her if she knows anything about Lasik eye surgery.
Xavier: What was that word?
Mr. Starkey: Lasik eye surgery.
Xavier turns and walks out, still clutching her eyes. She returns 2 minutes later.
Xavier: She says you need to write her a note.
Scene 3: 11:05 AM – lining up for lunch
Cashane, who is essentially a curveless rubber band of a person, has issues with pant sagging. Seeing yet another occurrence as he stands in line, knowing that Coach Turner considers that irritating (we have PE after lunch), I walked over to him to remedy the situation.
As I yanked up his waistline, I told him, “I’d hate for you to have a wardrobe malfunction.”
Cashane: A wardrobe malfunction? What’s that?
Mr. Starkey: Just tell Coach Turner in PE today that you want to do your best to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.
Knowing that I can keep myself sane in an otherwise ridiculous situation with off-the-wall humor means one of two things:
1. I’m in a very healthy mental state.
2. No one else is laughing.
Let’s hope it’s #1.